My Last Note for Him

I’ll make sure to keep my distance, say I love you when you’re not listening.

One thing I know about life which is absolute except from God is that you can’t get everything you want. Probably, that is one of God’s ways to keep everyone equal somehow. There are people who are blessed with material things, others are emotional blessed, spiritually blessed, socially blessed and so on. Personally, I think it’s hard to find someone who is blessed in all aspects in general, most especially in love.

So it all falls to the most overused term anyways—LOVE.  I would sound hypocrite if I’d say that I don’t like these kinds of topic because it’s damn good to talk about regardless of your present status.

This time I got to share mine. So mine was barely inexistent. It only exists if I choose to believe on it. Anyways, a data become officially a fact once you believe on it. In my case, depending on my mood and his behavior.

I met this eccentric guy on the second day of my hospital duty. He approached me, asked my name, introduced himself and we shook hands. From the time we held hands, a part of me thought that there’s something good that will happen ahead of us. It was a weird feeling with a drop of malice.

The first few weeks were rough. I was involved in a silent war between him and my friend which I was unaware of until my friend confessed everything to me— the conflict was my indirect fault. I got guilty cause before I got in, they were really good friends. Even though I was at fault, he didn’t take the blame on me but rather to my friend. I tried hard to mediate between them, I think I made difference but some external situations made their status worst. But I never gave up, now they are casual and we got closer.

He's my official mentor at the Dialysis Unit. He's the only one who gave me several opportunities to learn. Hard to accept but I owe him a lot. I don't know what he saw in me to give me that kind of attention but I really appreciate him for that. Because of him, I was able to discover my talents and enhanced my skills. It was through him that I got to prove myself with all the people inside the unit, I gained recognition, and I was valued. I was even tagged as an asset by our head. 

Nursing made us closer. We often had the same duty. He teases me when he gets the chance. He uplifts my spirit when he knows I’m feeling down. He assigned me to tasks I never handled and he helped me get through it too. He’s loud, bold, tactless, shameless, and a big flirt. He’s someone who you can easily like if you are shallow (like me) or easily hate if you weren’t able to open your mind. No doubt a lot of people hate him but I think girls find him attractive.

He got some principles with no sense. He will argue just to make fun of you. He will bathe you with all his premier sarcasm with an intention to ruin your day. He will intentionally laugh just to make you jealous. He will threat you just to make you attend some occasion. He will play while you get serious only to remind you to smile. Because of his childish acts, he is often misunderstood but I don’t.

I don’t know when or how it started but things went smooth for the both us. We don’t talk much, we seldom texts, we don’t sit next to each other, and we don’t get along much on parties but every time we had that chance to talk, to text, to sit next to other, be on the same party or simply just be closer—it brings a kind of elated feeling which should be taken in few doses or else we might loose our sanity and just let ourselves fall.

He sings songs. Songs with meanings intended to the people who hear it. I found the hint when a friend told me about the song he intentionally sang while that friend was in the same room. It's his funny way to express his feelings and thoughts. In my case, I always feel the giddy feeling  cause the songs he often sing while I'm around are about regrets cause he is committed. I find it hilarious and romantic really.

Unfortunately, our time together ended cause I was transferred to another area. For some reason, I think it's indispensable cause my feelings for him is getting serious and I don't like it much. He also starts to drop  inappropriate comments and beginning to act nice to me. 


I want to stop feeding the feeling because WE are impossible. If I let it continue, it's like me giving him license to hurt me. To think of it, it's best to separate without clearing things completely between us. It keeps the mystery alive and I like how that goes. I want to continue playing this guessing game until it fades eventually. 

Thanks! I enjoyed working with you too. You are never an ordinary colleague for me.