I got a day wasted because that
freaking movie: Every child is special. Not because it lasted the whole day but
because it made me cried and cried, I got tired, sleepy, my eyes got puffy and
my head ached.
I watched two movies yesterday; I’ve seen Get
Smart and Every Child is Special. Too think of it, I got no reason to cry that
heavy but for some reason I wanted to cry hard that day but I can’t let it out
unless I use a medium.
I don’t know when did I loose all
my crying-abilities. I bet I lost it somewhere the Dialysis Unit. It was a very
happy place so I guess I let loose of all my crying-abilities cause it wasn’t
needed there. Do I have to celebrate
because I am apathetic? I don’t think so. Crying is one way of emptying out my
bag so I would stay sane and human.
Yesterday was a tough day. I was supposed
to work ass hard all day cause I’m running out of date with the project I had but
because of headache I wasn’t able to work. I also took my blood pressure and it
was 70/40!!! God that was the lowest blood pressure I ever recorded. I elevated my legs while watching a movie:
Paul. Funny how I can’t work because of headache but I still had the gut to
watch a movie.Hah! I got a lot of reason not to work. Tsk.
I felt bad yesterday, well, aside
from the headache; I got heartaches from my recent duty. I wanted to talk to somebody about it but not
even one of my friends cared. Some replied but they are talking about
themselves. Sometimes I feel tired of being concern with other people and not
concerned me back. Well, it’s wrong to expect but I decided to take a time off
with forwarding texts messages today or maybe the next 3 days or a week.
So I had no one to talk to with
all my disappointment yesterday. I remember my mentor and his text message, but
I don’t want to disturb him with all the dramas. I Probably, I should get used
to this feeling. Anyways, Leah and Barce got through it anyways. I must endure
this alone too.
I want to figure out where these
emotions are coming from. Because they are bothering me big time. Unless I won’t
know the roots how can I uproot them. Let me see. My disappointment comes from:
- my desire to prove that Dialysis people don’t suck.
- to conquer third floor
- to have a perfect endorsement always
- to show them that I’m ready for trainee hood
- pressure that I’m 08, and
- I already had a previous training
- that freaking Meropenem!I usually forget pts requests
- I don’t get credible I&O results!
- the fact that mistakes are center of people’s attention
- that people look down on me and treat me invisible
- TO EARN THEIR RESPECT
I knew it. I have tons of excess
baggage, not to mention I haven’t meet the thrown for days! These baggage are
really heavy and unless I get rid of them I won’t be able to function well. Despite
all my negative feelings, I made
realizations that made me loosen the tension quite a bit. Here are some:
Don’t focus much on people, focus on you job & how you’ll get it done fast. Work smart!
I was reminded of my early
dialysis days where I did my job and earned recognitions later. I’m not after
the recognition because I lifted them all to God. But pleasing people isn’t
really a good habit.
You won’t get toxic unless you let yourself be.
I asked God to make me a good nurse, now I'm a work in progress.
At times life has some ways to remind you that you are already floating on air, and it's time to get back on the ground.
This reminded me that I’m too full of
myself because I received achievements from my former area. It’s time to be back
on square one.
Every duty should be treated as a toxic duty, so you won't get stunned much.
Not everyone has a perfect-less toxic duty, if you had it then, just be thankful for it.
With all said I learned my
lessons and I’ll try best to apply them all on my next duty which is later at
10pm. God bless me.
