I'm Back

Hello rapsville! With Christmas around the corner, I feel so light and positive these days.

Two days have passed after I took the IELTS exam. I feel like I've taken the test a long long time ago. It's a 4 hr nightmare and all left to do is to hope for the best. I'm not confident whether I'm gonna hit the mark that I wanted but I gave every effort I have so I guess I'm OK with that.

I'm back. It's my first day at work today. I feel good. I realized I miss my work and my colleagues at the unit. There are things that make me happy and those things made it hard for me to go. I feel like I was missed too. I was occasionally pissed off at duty but I chose to smile and think differently. Anyways, it's my day that will be ruined not theirs. I want to develop the habit of laughing over things that give me stress. In that way, I release myself from hurtful feelings that I usually bare inside. 

It's gonna be a long week. I have conditioned myself to be positive. Anyways, life is a matter of perspective.

What is the difference between thinking about failure and success? Well it's quite BIG. I opt for the latter. 

Smile. Tomorrow is another day to live, to worship God and to lift God to the highest through the ways of  my living.

What NOW?

Hi rapsville! I drop by to say hello and update you about what's going on these days.

Well in less than 3 days, I'm going to take the IELTS exam. I've been planning this for a long time. It took me quite a while before I finally pursue it. Nevertheless, it's gonna happen this weekend. 

I kind a regret that I didn't make the decision as soon as possible because things are the same even I paid for some review lessons. It isn't less difficult because I'm used to cramming-- that's how I handle stuff ever since I was in school.

Anyways, I'm having a hard time reviewing right now. I took the mock exam last Monday and as expected I didn't perform that well. It is quite expected from me who didn't even touch or listen to any review material my friend has given me. Plus, I've been out of class since August. Passing is really out of my mind even before the mock exam. My main purpose is just to experience how the test will go. At least I have the idea of what I'm taking. In the end, I got what I want. I pointed out my weaknesses-- all 4 of them. Oh no...

Now, my plan is to have a comprehensive review on all area. I know it's not gonna be easy and I have to push myself hard. I'm not nervous and I'm not confident as well. All I plan to do is to give everything I have and devote my time in practice and answering drills. Fairly in the end, whatever the result is, I can say that I did everything that I can.

Drinking

I'm in between a tug of war. Torn between whether to drink or not to drink. 

I'm an occasional drinker, and occasions are  frequent these days. Does this means I'm crossing the line?

I've made a commitment: "that I will stop drinking". There came a time that even the smell of the alcohol makes me nauseous. But few weeks after I'm back holding bottles again.

I'm not an addict. I guess most addict says that but for real I'm not. I just drink for the sake of companionship. It's not peer pressure cause it's not against my will although it is against my commitment.  

I feel guilty everytime I drink. I feel like I'm breaking a promise and I feel awful. I know God sees me and I try to rationalize but I know I'm a disappointment not only to Him but also to myself. I know I  should not be doing it. I know it must not be done. My commitment reflects alot of things and breaking it means big.

I know that there is no question and there is nothing to choose from. Deep inside I know what to do. I love Him and therefore I should obey and live according to His ways. 

I try hard to put myself in His presence and forget the ways of the world. It's a difficult path but through Him I can do all things. Everyday is test until He comes. I failed at most but by His grace I know I will find strength. Amen.

God moves..

Today is 3/3/13. Alot of cuves right there. I wish I also have some. haha!

There are a lot of good things happening to me these days and I can't be more thankful for all the blessing coming.

When I thought the rainy days won't stop and just flood me away...I found an island to stay, the best place to prepare for my new journey.

I got promoted!yoohooo!after almost 5 years of being a registered nurse, I finally got my voice and authority. I tend not to make a big deal out of it. My mentality over it is 80% the same with my traineehood principles except for the sole RESPONSIBILITY over one's person's life. I choose not to overthink about it. 

It's been more than a cut off and I'm still learning  things. I think the best way to conquer fear is to fight it with knowledge and skills; to find confidence with your ability; rely with your critical thinking and use your experience to solve problem laid down in front of you. I'm not the best but I'm trying to do the job properly.

God is moving in my life incredibly.

Like I said, I don't want to make noise about my promotion but I would like to give God all the glory and honor. He trained and taught me well... and I'm still in the process of genuine life change. Today is Sunday, have a blessed one. See you at the house of worship!

Blah.

I missed work today. In fact, I reasoned out so I can absent. There's a lot of things happening right now but I'm no longer lost like before. I can manage the stress and I'm getting used to it more and more. I guess that's a normal cycle of life. I can't say that I totally adjusted but I'm halfway there. Probably, the inner me doesn't want to accept cause it's too idealistic. 

I seldom update my blog but out of the blue I realize this is the memoir of my life and years after it would be nice to look at something, remember things and just smile. For me it is one of life's hidden treasure.

Today looks like just another day but it isn't. I would no longer be with some people I've been around for months. I was left out for the second time. I feel sad when these things happen. But I keep on thinking that it is time for them to grow and learn to stand on their own. It would be hard at first but eventually they will make it.

We went out yesterday to celebrate their exodus. It is a good night except for my annoying cough! My sinuses were clogged and my head is throbbing. Now they thought I isolate myself much. If they only know how aweful and embarrassed I feel yesterday. Now, I decided to take a day off so I can fully recover and get rid of this embarrassing cough. 

Seven days from now, I'll get a year older. I can feel that things will get serious now that I'm freaking 25. I've lived the quarter of my life in vain and this is the time to put meaning in my life for my own and for the people around me. 

It's time.