I'm in between a tug of war. Torn between whether to drink or not to drink.
I'm an occasional drinker, and occasions are frequent these days. Does this means I'm crossing the line?
I've made a commitment: "that I will stop drinking". There came a time that even the smell of the alcohol makes me nauseous. But few weeks after I'm back holding bottles again.
I'm not an addict. I guess most addict says that but for real I'm not. I just drink for the sake of companionship. It's not peer pressure cause it's not against my will although it is against my commitment.
I feel guilty everytime I drink. I feel like I'm breaking a promise and I feel awful. I know God sees me and I try to rationalize but I know I'm a disappointment not only to Him but also to myself. I know I should not be doing it. I know it must not be done. My commitment reflects alot of things and breaking it means big.
I know that there is no question and there is nothing to choose from. Deep inside I know what to do. I love Him and therefore I should obey and live according to His ways.
I try hard to put myself in His presence and forget the ways of the world. It's a difficult path but through Him I can do all things. Everyday is test until He comes. I failed at most but by His grace I know I will find strength. Amen.
