My first week as an Ar-En

06~01, it was my very first day as a nurse in a hospital near the mountains. Everything feels,sounds and looks familiar but there's uncertainty in the corner. The smell of the hospital was nostalgic, I remember my nurisng student days. But this experience will be completely different than before, "this time I'll work as a professional, bigger responsibilities,serious and tougher tasks." The thought wasn't new to me. I already accepted that fact the first day I handled a patient back in college. However, I'm still having a hard time to process this major turn over in my life. 

My first 3 days in the hospital was mainly observation and shadowing, but the 4th day was completely different. Honestly, I was pushed but I wasn't able to give my all. I was left alone by my senior with a ton of medications to be given, prescription to be prescribed, and charting. I want to stay positive with what happen. Trust? Test? and Learn through independence?. I don't know what's her deal but she made me learn my lesson pretty well. 

I decided to go home to Pampanga after my duty. I was suppose to be out by 2pm but I got out at 3:45. whew! Anyways, on my way home I was bothered by my recent experience. I felt like I did something wrong and irresponsible. I owe those patients. 

In the morning, my hormones are at peak and I can't stop crying. I can't talk to anybody. I don't want to show my weak side, especially to family about this topic. I call a friend, and that relieve my bad feelings. I never believed the power of talking but this time I knew how it could make a person feel better. The crying stopped and guilty feelings were reduced. 

Now, I'm ready again. It's  normal to be like this. A new job is one heck of a stress so I have to go through with it. Besides I'm a normal human and most of us go through it. I'm not an exception, the outcome simply depends on how will I strategically plan things. One thing's for sure, there's gonna be some major turn over on my next shift.