Knocked me out

It’s 4 days before Christmas and I’m here on the couch thinking about the days while I was in Laguna. I usually bump on these memories when I’m bored and this is because the internet connection is down. In other words, my life is completely out of color. Those internet folks really know how to ruin once life.

Basically, I’m at home with no internet and with  a bunch of annoying slow pokes. I hate the feeling of mixed boredom and annoyance. I wanted to get away but sadly I got no choice but to stay because I ‘m broke. Sometimes I think that God provide just enough because he knows the things that I can do with the excess (if joined with my rollercoster feelings and ideas). I haven’t figured out yet whether this is a blessing or what, but I’m neutral.

As of this moment, we still got no connection to the web world and it’s almost 72 hours.

Out of boredom I decided to watch the very first movie I downloaded in this laptop-- Letters to God, that’s the title of the movie. I watched the first half of the film when I was in Laguna but I got irritated by one of the characters named Sam. I dislike her manner of talking and gestures that’s why I wasn’t able to get close to end of the film. I don’t usually watch movie in such genre but the IMDB rating made me go with it. If my memory serves me right, it was 8/10.

Out of boredom I saw the whole film in my room. I got emotional when I got to the pass half part. I was touched by the movie’s theme. It was a reminder and I was completely reminded. My relationship with God has been cold as ever. I never talked to him for six months now. Unconsciously, for the past months I lived my life on my own, without His guidance and will. Sure my life has been dirty but the movie has knocked me out real hard. I cried scene after scene. I realize how I’ve been so bad. Compare to my internet connection God’s line has never been down nor cut. It’s just me who forgot to contact him.

It is a timely message. It’s Christmas. This only means that God is actually thinking about me.

Crappy morning

I woke up early today, I washed my face, gargle and I’m ready to start the day right. I washed some dishes, made a mug of coffee, fried some left over rice and swept the living room’s floor. I was so hungry, so as soon as the rice is ready I scooped some. A red salted egg was lying on the table so I cracked it up and finally, had my breakfast.

I was thinking about nothing when I felt a sharp pain gliding through my abdomen. It was a sign. I proved when I hurriedly went to the CR to totally evacuate crap from my intestines. Honestly, I’ve been waiting for a the urge for quite a while but I guess I was constipated. I knew coffee stimulates my insides to move so I thought it was just normal but when strong and painful urges occurred I suspected it is all because of the salted egg. I lost some potassium in the process that’s why I feel weak. Even in the midst of such crisis I can’t stop myself from thinking about the scientific explanation of the situation I’m in.

Luckily, I just went up to three episodes and I guess I just needed some major clean up because it’s been days that I haven’t been in the throne. I feel good now. Although I do not know whether everything was thrown out, now I wonder whether the salted egg is still in my stomach cause gastric emptying time takes 2 hours.

NODAME isn’t a role model after all

Ever wonder why there’s piano related pic on my bio? Well, I do play the keyboard when I was in High School. My dad brought a keyboard back from Japan and forced me to learn how to play that odd sounding electric keyboard.

After a while I found myself playing with the bunch of newbies in our church. We sounded like crap. Everyone in the group were new and learning. We never had a perfect moment, we never synced in. We weren’t friends at all. We were like a group that was formed out of the need for instrument players. We actually never talk to each other, now wonder why we suck.

Anyways, Nodame was one of my favorite anime characters. She is fun, colorful, vibrant, piano genius. That’s how I find her and I wish she had remained in that state.

However, what disappointed me was her weakness in facing absurdities that comes her way. Instead of going through the big waves, she chose  to stay in the island and worst run to the other end of the Island. I find it really frustrating to see my IDOL in that state.

As for me, I like big waves. At times I find myself stepping back from the shore but there’s a bigger force the pushes me back to step twice farther. It is sure normal to feel fear but letting fear burden is the opposite of being courageous.

Life is full of earthquakes and platonic cracks. We should always be prepared for a tsunami. These can be seen as disasters but through these disasters we get to know our selves better. We were able to discover our capabilities and strengths.

So who is excited for the next life’s tsunami?

I definitely got one ahead. Wish me luck on my IELTS exam.

Battle between Claws and Feathers

In the midst of all the deadlines and overflowing freelance work, I still managed to watch a movie in my room yesterday. It was the Legend of the Guardians. The movie was refreshing and so as the soundtrack “To the Sky”. I knew it when I saw the album cover and the band name too, how ironic.

Well it was just a typical story of a humble character turning out to be the hero of the story. I guess the plot that will deviate from this one would be more interesting. Why it is always the good one who become the hero at the end. Too predictable.

But what separate it among other animal-talking film is the animal talking itself. The characters in the story are owls, not typical characters by the way. The manner of battle among the these creatures is simply extraordinary. You don’t always witnessed a death match between owls, right?

Wow, I suddenly heard a chicken and translating it to my language it says “Nagugutom nako”, in English “I’m hungry.” We are talking about birds, I wish you have understood the relation.

Verdict: It’s best for children to watch, there are some violent scenes but it is fairly understood, since it was done well anyways.

Half true story

Just watched “The Social Network" courtesy of Fileserve. Thank you.

Verdict: Not a forgettable movie.

Going back from the moment when I saw the trailer on TV, I already promised myself to see it. Basically, I was dragged by the story behind Facebook. It’s part of the human nature to dig into matters that are quite interesting. I  thought the movie was based on a true story but Mark Zuckerberg personally opposed that. I was disappointed, but later (after reading some article online) I realized that the movie was a work of art. Not everything that happened in real life can be put into a screenplay (some are edited, of course). Those movie people also wanted to make their movie a major hit. With that I say, Mark Zuckerberg’s real story didn’t meet “their” standards.

I haven’t figure out why I admire this movie. Maybe because it was about of Facebook, or because it’s about the youngest billionaire on earth, or it involves smart people, or because of my crush having some resemblance with Jesse Eisenberg’s(Mark) character, or probably because I find Andrew Garfield (‘Wardo) hot. I couldn’t pin point my reasons but there’'s something about this film that makes me smile.

If your one of my classmates, you could tell who I’m talking about. I hope my batch mate won’t find this blog. I hate to admit I got a huge crush on geek.

PS: I wish they will also make a film about Google.

Forget You, Gwyneth Style

 

 

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Time for Celebration

It’s not because Christmas is only days ahead  and the smell of resolutions already stink, but because this blog has been viewed 99 times.

Well, honestly it took awhile before this blog had it’s tiny winnie steps to get some attention (on both human and bots). Last month, I’ve been busy with my activities offline, but today is different because I’m unemployed again. With that I mean, no payment and no patients to care for.

It would be nice If I’m gonna go on details about when and how this blog got unto it’s knees but I’m too lazy to log in to my blog and look for the dates. Anyhow, this blog started because I got no one to talk to and I wanted to have a diary that my sister won’t able to access (at least they don’t know I got a blog). Plus, I ‘m able t practice my writing skills, if I got any.

I’ve made a couple blogs but this one only survived. It’s close to my heart and I’ll keep forever.

Miserable

I’m planning to move out. I think it is the only way to have a quiet life. I got a lot of plans in my head but I don’t know what’s the best one for me. I want to get out of this house. Like be gone for a long time and be back completely different where I can help my mom unlimitedly. She actually needs a bottomless well of resources to get by with her debts. I wanted to be the one who can solve all her problems. I hate and I feel miserable because I couldn’t do anything to keep her from begging from other people. I hate the feeling of being helpless and hopeless, seriously. 

WE often argue about how she handles my dad’s money. But at the back of my head, I blame myself from all the debts we have. Some of those where made when I was still studying at the university. In fact, our house was used as a collateral and until now, it hasn’t been paid.

My dad gave me the responsibility to send my siblings to college. And now, they are one by one entering college without my help. MISERABLE, that’s what I’m feeling right now. I’m useless.

Pambihira

Congratulations! My first taglish post, proud to be Pinoy after all. Inspired to write coz I’m so messed up at home. 

Nakow! bumabalik nanaman ang “makwenta mentality” ko. From all the old traits I have, eto ang pinaka ayaw kong maresurrect. Once this  hit my system again, lagot na! The so-called good change is impossible.(Sus eto na si negativity!) Kasi naman, sino ba naman ang hindi maasar kung mga buga mga kasama mo sa bahay. Pambihira naman, environment really matters when it comes to mindset. This ain’t hormone nor mood swings. This is reality baby, nakakawalang gana ang mga kapatid ko. Living with them won’t give any inspiration at all rather the opposite. It’ll suck all your strength, inspiration, basically, all the good in you.

Mga walang kwenta. Ang tatamad. Kala mo kung sinong magagaling. Eh wala namang mga silbi. Ni Magwalis eh hindi magawa. Grabe, I can’t blame my dad if he begins to falter. Eh kasi hindi naman nasusuklian ung mga paghihirap nya. God, I guess that includes me. He keeps on pushing me to go abroad (I bet ayaw nya ng magtrabaho) pero, look where I’m until now. Grabe..I wish I didn’t take this damn course. I’m one of those graduates who are still looking for their place in the employment world. WoooooOOO!

Isa pang dagdag sa negativity eh ung nanay kong mapangutang. As in lider na sya ng mga mangungutang dito sa lugar namen. Who will be proud of that? Parang sampal narin yun sakin kasi almost 3 years nakong graduate pero wala pading magandang career. GOD! Kailangan bang magkaroon ng ilang lending investment na kinabibilangan. Nakakaasar ang life dito sa Pampanga. Buti pa nung nasa Laguna, tahimik. Ok si tiya, masipag and maalaga. Siguro if I stayed there longer, I might have gained kgs. Kaso I have to move na kasi ayoko namang maging pabigat. Helow, putol na kaya ang internet dun kasi 3 months nakong di nakapagbayad.

Gulo din ng buhay ko in fairness.

Juris: One of the best Filipino voices

 

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I’m back

I never thought that a change of environment would changed me, now I know how they do it  in rehab.

I’m back.

I went home last 09/28, after a farewell party held at 818 paradise resort. A year ago, I would complain about how tired I 'am from doing minimal tasks. Now, even with no sleep at all, I still can walk and do crazy stuffs. Arrival time 6:16 to be exact, I’m at home.

Working in the hospital basically was the root of all the changes in me. I picked some helpful like mannerism like being an OC, competitiveness, and patience. I hope these behaviors stay coz they benefit me a lot. I want to work in a medical institution again to preserve this.

It’s been a week and I noticed consistency, almost. Perhaps with a little more focus and positive mindset I can make all  things in me work.

However, this wouldn’t be easy. Those people I left are still doing the same habit and I can’t keep myself from thinking that I’ll give up sooner and later. Worst, be back from the old gruesome me. That would be awful.

We R Who We R by Kesha

 

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Enjoy

Katy Perry new single titled Firework

 

 

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