I’m planning to move out. I think it is the only way to have a quiet life. I got a lot of plans in my head but I don’t know what’s the best one for me. I want to get out of this house. Like be gone for a long time and be back completely different where I can help my mom unlimitedly. She actually needs a bottomless well of resources to get by with her debts. I wanted to be the one who can solve all her problems. I hate and I feel miserable because I couldn’t do anything to keep her from begging from other people. I hate the feeling of being helpless and hopeless, seriously.
WE often argue about how she handles my dad’s money. But at the back of my head, I blame myself from all the debts we have. Some of those where made when I was still studying at the university. In fact, our house was used as a collateral and until now, it hasn’t been paid.
My dad gave me the responsibility to send my siblings to college. And now, they are one by one entering college without my help. MISERABLE, that’s what I’m feeling right now. I’m useless.
