Overwhelm

It wasn't that long that the news broke and that I'm gonna be the new Dialysis trainee. Since that day, the next few days have been overwhelming. 

I'm not really sure  whether I'm ready to go solo at the Dialysis unit.  I question myself a lot whether I'm capable to handle emergency situation alone. To be honest, I know myself well and I got a lot of things to learn especially with a code. 

I've been in third floor for 6 months now and I never experience my patient had a code. I've helped my co nurses code before but never had my patient go through the same thing. 

Two nights ago, we had a code. This made me think that God is stalking my thoughts. He gave me a chance to handle such serious situation. I thought it was amusing although we failed to save one soul. I felt sad to hear grieving voices. I told myself I don't want to hear those sounds again. 

I realize, we are not saving a person's life only for the individual but for the people who love and cherish his life. Seriously, I wanna be good so I won't hear those sad sounds again. 

I'm thankful for the hands on experience that made me realize I'm lacking and I need to learn things step by step. People say I do well when it comes to crazy situation but I beg to disagree. I appreciate good words but they change otherwise unless I perform my role well. I hope I can be the best that I can be so I can save lives and save S.O. from grieving. 

It's not about the number

Number 13 doesn't appeal that much to me. I guess that's because it was correlated with misfortunes and bad stuffs. Perhaps, things I experienced yesterday makes me think otherwise. 

It wasn't a normal day. Yesterday my dad was scheduled to go back to Saudi Arabia after a three month vacation. It was a sad day especially for my dad. He was hoping we'll hit the lotto jackpot so he won't go back to Saudi anymore. I can feel his longing to just stay and be with us. So much for the guilt that his desperation brought me. I was suppose to be the one who is working abroad. Sigh.

I went to bed late the other  night cause I fixed my computer and the anti virus update didn't let me sleep until 2 am. Eventually, I wasn't able to be with my dad properly with his last minute at home the next day. Nevertheless, I was able to bid goodbye. He barged in to my room a couople of times to wake me up and say he's leaving. I cried secretly whenever he does that.

Despite all the morning drama. I went to work in the afternoon. I planned to go to our chief nurse office first to know what happened with my first IR. While I'm on my way to the hospital. I received a text message from my previous head nurse at the dialysis unit. He wants to know when is the best time to call. I told him , I'll just see him later. 

I went inside the chief nurse office and see smiling faces which is a good sign, I thought. So, the issue I'm involved with was already resolved and I got back the money I paid. I felt so happy. Fortunately there is another good news and it was a very unexpected one. The Dialysis unit is actually looking for a trainee and that's the reason why my previous head nurse wants to talk to me. He wants to recommend me to the board as their new trainee. My happiness is actually through the roof that moment I found out. I'm floating and the first thing I wanna do is to treat someone. I said thanks to my chief nurse and proceed to the Dialysis unit which is just next door.

All greeted with a smile. My previous head nurse took me to the chief nurse again and discussed about the recommendation. He said good words. Words I haven't heard for quite awhile while I'm where I am. Goodness, If I could just show how happy I am  I would but that would embarrassing. I have this tendency to look dorky when I'm extremely happy. 

Just few days ago I was thinking about Dialysis. The place where I was valued and appreciated. And now, I'm bound to return to the place where I really belong. Third floor is challenging, dynamic and a very conducive place for learning and experience. However, I must agree with God's plan with me. He knows better. 

I had my duty earlier and the news already broke. I heard some good words from the person I least expect  and it felt good and awkward at the same time. They actually let me choose between third floor and jalysis- that was extremely awkward, I was speechless. I opened my facebook account and read some words of encouragement and support. I felt better. 

I don't know if I'm choosing the right decision or not. One thing I trust is God and his plans.