I think too much. It’s a bad habit. I've gotten lots of
not-so-good habits including procrastination and time mismanagement but too much thinking is
the worst. It’s the most tiresome thing on Earth.
I’m confused. I don’t know what to write. I write when I
want answers deep inside me. My head is a chaos and my thoughts are like pieces
of crumpled papers scattered across my brain. I write to organize them. Sometimes,
what I think is not really what I feel. I have proven it a lot of times thanks
to writing.
Now let see, what worries me lately?
I've been experiencing panic attacks lately. I palpitate all
of a sudden and I just hate that awful feeling. I thought it’s because of the
coffee. I guess YES but not solely. I’m scared. I’m afraid of a lot of things
right now. Ever since I was transferred to my new area I’m little by little
turning into an insecure coward loser. And I have to find the turning point
soon before I fall into complete cowardice. But HOW?
I just passed my first month. Evaluation: OK, just fine. But
I’m not satisfied. They actually recruited me from the floor because I was the
ASSET. I guess WAS pretty much applicable indeed. And the thought that I’m just a second option doesn't make me feel any better. BUT this is actually you’re problem! YOU KEEP
ON THINKING NONSENSE THINGS. Thing which isn't worthy to be thought of! When
will you learn to filter what to think? Even terabyte storage has their own limit.
You keep what are IMPORTANT. FOCUS on what you should be doing instead of
running away from it. FACE IT! FACE YOUR FEARS. You can’t run away from them
cause they’ll chase you eventually. Quitting isn't an option. You are
old enough to face your responsibilities. Life is all about them . Better to be immune than allergic from
them. Dive in! Dive without any intention of DYING. Dive until you learn how to
swim and survive. You’ll adapt eventually. Everyone started with level 1. Then
leveled up eventually. You have to pass some obstacles to move to the next
round. Forget about….I forgot what to write. MISTAKES and FAILURES are there. Believe in God and with all the gifts HE had given you. There is a
reason why you are there. There is a reason why they got you. Trust in God and
with their judgment. And trust yourself too! You can do it! You can do your
job. It’s fine to get scared, that only means your human, but it’s not good to dwell
and get drowned on it. They have made it. You’ll make too.
P.S. Just now, unconsciously, I solve my non existent problems after writing about them. Writing is
a something that I hate to LOVE.
