With my days counted at the Dialysis Unit, I wanted to share all my realization and end-of-day thoughts while I was there. May you find humor on every words I wrote.
In the morning…
~ I dunno much thing about love, though I know that if you like someone even small gestures mean big, loving someone make you think less rational, more stupid.
~Treatment based on appearance- cruel, rude, mean but most of us practice it a lot. It’s one form inequality.
~There is no such thing as standards; people tend to adjust to cope in. It’s either you’ll stretch or play hard till you break.
~I often feel alone, but I trained myself to deal with it for most time. Now if I could just make a hole on my luggage so it won’t get full. That would be awesome I guess, be it with my co-volunteers, relatives, I guess I can crown myself as the ultimate awkward queen.
~Why do I have to think of all my mistakes when I’m out of thoughts, when I can commend myself of all the good things I've done.
~Intentionally pleasing people is an awful practice, when you can do your own thing then WOW them later.
~Why did you say that? Do I look like I’m someone who can’t be trusted? I’m sorry…
~They said truth lies within the subconscious mind, I believe on that but not in his case.
Noon time..
~Ok, inhale..exhale..I just got a tip that has driven me nuts (OMG!) This is too much! but I can definitely assure you I’m fine, absolutely fine. I have to put myself together, be calm like always..I have to grab any chance I can get.
~If he likes you then he’ll text you, so don’t you even dare to expect! yikes!
~You gave me few strong reasons not to like you and those are good enough to focus my attention to something else better.
~People favor those with good looks, there are plenty of reasons, as for me, if he’s getting too much attention, mine would be irrelevant, better spend it to others.
~I asked you to continue being nice to me and you did, but I think I don’t want to carry on with this craze.
~Life is a big game, learn to play it well. So, they’re playing and now it’s my turn. I don’t want to continue being the loser and I swear I’ll never quit.
~The problem is, you’re not interesting enough.
~He reminds me of my kuya. We are siblings but we’re not friends, I got this feeling that he just wants me to learn but at times I feel like he is just pointing out my mistakes and is just mocking me. He wanted to impose that it’s his territory therefore I should act like I’m less than him, but my brain rejects that idea. I wanted to think that he intends to teach me.
~Do not misinterpret! Never expect!
~Be strong. The Lord is my refuge I shall not fear.
Afternoon..
~You are like my favorite comfort food serve on the silver platter, too bad I can’t take a bite. I crave to have a taste of you but I know you’re bad for me. You’re going to make me loose my mind and I’ll be out of my diet.
~People are full of themselves that they don’t care of others. It’s rare to see someone who will fill up the empty space even if one feels full.
~The one that makes us happy is also the person accountable for our greatest sorrow and pains.
~One of the best days ever. Knowing you trust me feels so good and being able to deliver what you wanted simply completed my whole day.
~One thing I dislike about feeling happy is the thought that sadness exists and is just hanging around the corner.
~I’m just a volunteer. I got my limits. I can’t take over and overpass my superior.
~Hambog ka! Arogante! Immature! Sumpongin! Now I know what Leah means.
~Things I should be thankful for: God, Pair of Parents, Degree, Capable, Talents, Skills
~Don’t give me reasons to hate you.
Late Afternoon..
~I’m getting kind a tired of writing about you.
~You got tons of estrogen in your system more than a girl has. Your mood shifts like a teenager on a period. You annoy me more than a three year old kid in a tantrum. You confuse me like a hard to solve math problem. You give me headaches like I’m gonna make a 1k word essay. You give me heartaches like my first fail attempts.
~There’s a thin line between confidence and arrogance; and most times it crosses the line.
~Kind a surprise that my feelings subsided in just a few weeks. I guess your flaws which are more than the scars on my legs did the magic. But seriously you are one hell of a problematic guy, I pity you every time you get into trouble though you have your ridiculous ways of getting back on your feet and make everyone feel miserable more than you do. Feb 1 is getting near and I wish it’ll never come cause I know it’ll never be the same week again (1/23-27)
~And so tinopak kananaman, you’re the ultimate jerk ever! You smile today, smirk tomorrow and ignore me the next day. Having you around feels like I’m standing between edges and it’s not the best feeling in the world. I still got something for you but I wanted it gone. It’s the very first time I doubted my feelings and instincts. I feel like you’re into me but never did anything to express and confirm.
~Sometimes things go smoothly but often it doesn’t. Be thankful if you had a great day cause not everyone has it.
~Parting is inevitable, you made great friends and you are bound to make more.
~I don’t understand why people turn their backs and walk away at times when you badly need them.
~Don’t dare loose your balls!
~I’ve been soaked with too much positivity these days that I’ve been immune to sadness which I’ve experienced for long months. Does this mean unfortunate events are all OVER?
~I ultimately hate you. I’m annoyed when you are happy, seriously I hate the way you laugh. I hate the way you make your voice so loud insensitively. I hate that you are happy while I’m sad. I hate that you sleep while I work hard.
~I know how to make you feel angry and I enjoy doing it.haha
~I think I already passed the giddy stage and now I’m on mature level.
Evening…
~I’m over it.
~It’s ok to like me but don’t get too attached. You’ll just make it hard for both of us. Let’s just enjoy the moment and just let things fade in time.
~Shoot! Why do I smile when images of you fooling around flashes!?
~We all have choices. It’s either you’re scared or lazy to make one and at times you’re too contented of where and what you are right now.
~Goal? Is it too please? To prove? To dream? For money? Proven! Follow your dream. Love what you do and good things happen.
~People are all crazy about love, baket?! Can’t they take a break!?
~If you want it, you will it, if you will it, it will be yours.
~You made friends along with memories and you are bound to make more.
~Most people will not listen unless they have something to gain from it.
~A day in your life, fate will play on you. You’ll get hit by someone you never expected to like. Hoping you are just mistaken, you misunderstood and hated. You hurt her just to find out, you fell for her and pretty much it’s too late. Just an advice: Stop feeding your feelings and it’ll die soon. Stop hurting when you’re unsure.
I wasn't surprise this was a pretty long post, besides this is the summary of all my HD dilemma, thoughts, realizations and dramas. I wanted to conclude that I successfully done my part in the unit but it's odd to claim that myself.c:
