I'm not really sure but I think this is the first time I created two post in a day. What else can I do? I guess I'm too inspired to do this.. or should I say I need to let this out badly. Crazy as it sounds, I easily fall for someone who's being nice to me, so much for intentionally misinterpreting people's behavior.
So the reason of my recent paranoia is a dialysis nurse who I considered to be my mentor. This guy has strong personality like there would be no chance of I, knocking him off in arguments. He's stubborn, bold and frank-- a complete of opposite of my attitude at least outside my comfort zone (at home). It's the kind of attitude I longed wanted to show people but I think I had no right to act that way.
I admire him and his ways. He's caring and protective like a brother; opinionated like a politician; open-minded like a mentor, playful like a kid but firm on his stand. I haven't figure him yet completely. He's like a puzzle to me. Probably that's the reason I'm interested.
I wanted to know him more but it's like there's a barrier between us. I get weakened by his smile and I get giddy with his attention. Every time we get near to each other, I feel elated. He pushes me to do things I'm afraid of and trusts me on tasks I didn't know I'm capable. He gives me moral boost when I feel down and he points out my strengths that I'm not even aware of.
There are people who dislike him and I feel a slight pinch when I hear them talk ill behind his back. He's just being real and I think there's a price to pay when you show people your real color. At first, I thought he's a people pleaser, but on the second thought I think not.
There's a part of me who feels jealous every time he's with his' girl friends. But I wanted him to be always happy. When he's happy I smile. When he's sad I feel burdened. When he's in trouble I feel bothered and concerned. I wish I can comfort him but I think he has many friends to do that.
Sometimes I think whether my phone number is saved on his phone. I would die just to see my name on his contacts. He's the source of my happiness right now and I never felt this giddy feeling for a long time. I know he has someone special right now and he is not seeing me the way I see him. I guess I have to endure this emotion until I get rotated and finally get over him.
I feel sad cause I know our time together will soon end and I definitely won't let him know how he's special to me. No worries, this isn't the first time I let my feelings go unnoticed.
I'm Don-E
